


別れ道

by daisuki



Category: the GazettE
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-03
Updated: 2011-03-03
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:11:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8537884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisuki/pseuds/daisuki
Summary: when you're with him it hurts so much because i miss you and i can tell from the look in your eyes that you miss me too, but we're too damn proud and scared to admit it.





	

it must be a miracle that we ended up here in the old, stinky break room at the venue where we played one of our first lives together. i have no idea where the others went off to and i honestly don't care even though i'm so nervous i feel sick. this is the first time i'm sitting this close to you since that night. it's the first time i'm alone with you since you started dating him.

my palms are warm and clammy and i rub them against my jeans to get rid of the feeling. it doesn't get any better.  
i just feel more nervous.

 

"akira..."

 

you're the first to break the silence (that i was trying to find out if was either awkward or comfortable - i couldn't tell. shit. i'm just so fucking nervous). and you look at me with those eyes of yours and i nearly melt into the sweaty and dirty sofa where we held hands for the first time, where i kissed you and you kissed me and we discovered so many new things together.  
i swallow and look down. i have no idea what to say but you don't seem to either, so we've fallen back to silence again. is it awkward? i really can't tell. i just know that my hand is so close to yours but if i were to move mine closer to yours, would you pull away? i don't want to know, i don't want to find out the cruel way. i'm a coward, but that's how i've saved my skin so many times i can't even remember. it's okay.

my mouth feels like it's filled with sand and my lips are so dry and when i attempt to clear my throat i just make the most awkward sound and i quickly fall silent again. i don't dare taking my eyes off our hands so close but still so far apart.

 

"it's been a long time..." you finally say lowly, and i feel my lips nervously twitching in a nervous smile. i nod.

 

"so... how are you?" are you happy? ...are you happy with him?  
are you happy when you wake up next to somebody other than me?

 

you nearly snort and your lips (oh those lips) form a small smile.

 

"i'm... i'm fine."

 

i don't know what to say to that, so i just nod again. smile a little. swallow.

 

"that's good." i hope you're happy, even though it's not me making you feel good.

 

"and... how're you?"

 

it's unexpected and expected at the same. i smile nervously again and curl my fingers into the fabric of my jeans.

 

"i'm fine." but i'm not happy.

 

the white lie rolls off my tongue so easily now, surprisingly easy, even with you around. silence fills the room again, all i can hear is my own breathing and racing heart. was i always this nervous around you? was i always this crazy about you?

 

"but..."

 

my mouth is moving before i can even react. i wasn't supposed to say that, you're not supposed to know there was something more. i can tell you heard it from the way you stiffened a little, from the way you sat up just a bit more, i can tell because you're looking at me again.

 

"but?"

 

it takes a couple of seconds for you to realise that i'm not going to continue, and you slowly sink back down in the worn-out cushions. i'm still staring at my knees when i feel the tips of your fingers reluctantly brushing against mine and my heart beats so fast and hard and everything implodes and i feel so fucking dizzy. i have to close my eyes for a bit.  
you make me alive, takanori.  
without you i'm nothing.  
i sweep my tongue across my lips and decide that maybe continuing isn't such a bad idea after all.

 

"but..." when you're with him it hurts so much because i miss you and i can tell from the look in your eyes that you miss me too, but we're too damn proud and scared to admit it.

 

the door opens and i don't need to turn around and look to know it's him.

it's just my damn luck.

i get up from the couch. 

 

"it's nothing important. nevermind."

 

i turn to look at you for the first time since everyone left and smile at you, hoping it doesn't look as bitter as it feels. i was always good at running away when the situation called for it and i know that this isn't my place to be. i pick up my bass and move towards the door, i can't stand being in the same room as you when he's there. it hurts too much.  
i know he's whispering sweet words into your neck because i can hear you chuckling, but i can also feel your eyes on my back when i close the door behind me.

 

the warmth of your fingers seems miles away already.


End file.
